What can $12.7 million get you? An Emoji translation of the Bible.

As of this writing, the Bible has been translated into 736 languages.¹ Well it’s time to get ready for one more, brought to us by none other than…

Kanye West

Kanye West, primarily known for once being married to Kim Kardashian (after Cory Cotton divorced her) is also a very famous rapper/singer, songwriter, fashion designer, business man and now… Bible translator?

You read that right!

The singer songwriter is popular with the youth of America, and created songs which up until recently all had strong Parental Warnings on them for extremely objectionable content in order to sell more records. Here is his most famous album cover.

However, in a surprisingly welcome turn of events, Kanye West has recently turned to Christianity, accepted Jesus, and has even released an album which - also surprisingly - does not require you to immediately repent on-high and be re-baptized in Clorox bleach after listening to it.

Kanye West’s conversion has caused a bit of a stir among his millions of listeners - some of whom have now also embraced Jesus.

In an effort to make the Bible more accessible to today’s listening audience, Kanye West has donated $12.7 million of his amassed lucre to the Zondervan Bible Publishing company. Zondervan will translate the Bible into Emoji’s which will allow Kanye’s audience to finally be able to read the bible in their desired language.

Emojis - What Are They?

For those not familiar with emoji’s, they are little symbols, like this smiley face 😃. Emojis are used by the phone-texting youth to communicate words and emotions by pictures.

Emoji’s work much like Egyptian hieroglyphics, only more complicated. Also, the meanings quickly change over time.

As an example, if you are hungry for some fried eggplant, you might be tempted to use the eggplant emoji 🍆 . However this emoji is instead used to reference a private part of the male anatomy. So choosing your emoji’s wisely is key!

How It Will Look

Once the translation is finished we’ll be able to read the God’s word and understand the emotions and meanings on a new level.

For example, here is the famous Bible verse John 3:16:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son

and here it is again one more time, but now translated to emoji:

For God so 💖 the 🗺️, that 👤👨 ⬅️🎁 👤👨⬅️ 1️⃣ ➕ only Son

So much clearer! Well done, Kanye!

We at the Daily Stinger can easily see how this visual version of English must really resonate with today’s youth.

After seeing the above example, we also understand why the Egyptians switched away from hieroglyphics to Arabic. Arabic, for comparison, is a category 4 language that typically take only 88 weeks to become proficient in². That’s just under two full years of continuous, non-stop study!

What Do We Call It?

According to Kanye, the new Bible will be called ‘The New Emoji Translation’, or the “N.E.T. Bible” for short.

Why is it called the “NEW” Emoji Tranlation if it is the first of it’s kind? We asked Kanye West this question, and he replied:

We tried t’get da damn tranlashun be be “emojificashun fo’ de Lo’d”, but we had t’wo’k out some way t’get da damn wo’d ’new’ into it. Man!

As it turns out, Kanye is correct - there’s a Federal law requiring all Bible tranlations after the year 1611 to start with the word ‘New’, as in:

• New Living Translation
• New American Standard
• New International Version
• New Revised Standard Version
• New King James
• … The list is nearly endless!

Since all bible translations need to start with the word ‘New’, the New Emoji Translaton is the best he could get.

Pricing

The new Bibles are bound in Bengel Tiger hide and the pages are gilded in 24k gold to match the custom rims on Kanye’s car.

Each copy is expected to cost a modest $27,899.99! With a price like that, you’ll want to pre-order your copy quickly before the bengal tigers they are all gone!

A portion of the proceeds will go to support the charity The Foundation for the Prevention and Cure of Hangnails