Flying High

In a world’s first, a Boeing 737 flew from London Heathrow airport to New York’s JFK Airport powered entirely by “weed” energy. You read that right, we now have the ability as a nation to power aircraft with hemp!

This leaves us with some burning questions. We’re stoked to find out more. How high did the plane go? Was it difficult for the engines to get lit? Did the filght really leave at 4:20?

Honestly, at this point the jokes just write themselves, think of the marketing possibilities:

• Fly High with us!
• Weed never let you down!
• Buzzing you to your destination!
• In-flight smoking never stops!
• Free Doritos at every landing!

… just to get you started.

As the world searches for new energy sources, the possibilities seem endless…

Flying With Fat

We recently saw Virgin Airlines perform the same flight while powering their aircraft entirely by animal fats¹. That’s right, animal fats, like tallow and lard etc. These animal fats were lightly processesed into jet fuel and now Richard Branson (of the Virgin Group, and owner of the airline) can fly his planes from his breakfast leftovers.

This leads to more burning questions:

• Why burn the animal fats instead of burning the infinite supply of methane made by the cows?
• Is burning animal fat really sustainable?
• Did this flight exhaust smell like bacon?

Stoners Object

While those low-carb flights sound desirebale, burning hemp to power aircraft has some in the stoner community fuming. Here’s what weed user Herb Kush had to say:

Bro, that’s like a lifetime supply of weed I could be putting to better use by… wait, can I stand behind the engines? ~Herb Kush

In a meeting of stoners during the “Sober October” meeting, session leader Mr. Endo made this comment that caused a dynamic stir within the group.

Duuuuude. Can I like, smoke the entire airplane then? ~Bud Endo

We’ll let these deep ponderable questions smolder in our pipe for now.

Heavenly Hemp

Meanwhile, as flight attendants struggle to greet people with either “Hi, how are you?” vs. “How high are you?” the hemp powered planes sound too good to be true.

In all seriousness, we had to ask the FAA if the burned hemp might have any effects on the people on the ground. This is the response we got:

“We’re pretty sure there’s enough fresh air to dilute any inebriant effects…” ~ Federal Aviation Administration

What’s that? The government - that never makes any mistakes - thinks they are pretty sure that it will be fine? Maybe for one flight, but what happens if weed becomes the go-to fuel source of all airplanes? What then? Will our air be permanently tainted with happy fumes?

Confusion Conclusion

*If *hemp powered planes are the way of the future, and all the planes take off at once, we at the Daily Stinger predict there will be about 2 hours of total World Peace…. followed by a sudden global junk-food shortage.